khristopher.com

Well here we go yet again. Back on medication. I am using the prescription the psychiatrist gave me. I know I need to be on medication right now. I think it will help me out a lot.

I’m pretty sure I’ve taken this medication before. I think it may have possibly been the first antidepressant I’ve ever tried. I didn’t end up staying on it though because the nausea was just way too bad. So far though after a few hours I feel fine. A little tired, but no nausea. I hope it stays that way, because the nausea is the worse part of it for me.

I am starting out at 25 mg and then switching to 50 mg after 7 days. In a month I should hopefully be feeling quite a bit better than I do now. This week has been really bad. Mentally one of the worst weeks of my life. It feels almost like the whole week I was having a panic attack.

I’m a little bit worried about when I do eventually come off of this drug, how hard it might be. It’s not a pill that you can cut up into small pieces to taper yourself off. It’s a capsule. So you can’t exactly cut it up. Oh well, whatever, I’m just concerned about feeling better right now. Hopefully this pill does the trick!

This lady who teaches in Sudan has been put in jail for naming a stuffed teddy bear: Mohammed. Actually let me correct that. Her students chose the name. She is being punished for it. She could face public lashings or up to 6 months in prison for this simple small thing. Obviously the intent was not to piss people off. I mean she’s in a country where apparently Islamic Law exists, and she’s a teacher. She would know that doing it with ill intentions would be a mistake. Although, I would think she would know that even naming the bear with the name Mohammed is a mistake as well, but she might have just thought it was harmless, who knows?

Anyway, the police raided the school looking for her. Men with big beards asking where she was and saying they wanted to kill her. What. The. Fuck?!? Kill her?

Click here for the story on Time.

Okay, I’m not really naming my cat Mohammed…

  I have decided to stop eating fast food. Now while some things that count as fast food I probably won’t stop eating, I am going to cut out the majority, or what I consider to be fast food. Places like McDonalds for example are fast food to me. Burger King, Wendy’s, KFC, Taco Bell. Stuff like that. Swiss Chalet, and pizza isn’t quite fast food to me, so for now those places are safe from losing my money.

I’m tired of feeling like garbage, and I know that my diet has a lot to do with it. And my diet consists of a lot of fast food. I’ve been doing a lot better in 2007 as far as eating fast food goes. I’ve been cooking a lot more at home, and buying sandwich meats and stuff like that for when I get a craving for a snack. A homemade sandwich using deli meats is a lot healthier than a Quarter Pounder combo from McDonalds, I think!

So the other night I decided to have my last McDonalds meal. I had a Quarter Pounder combo. The fries were soggy, and they gave me two patties instead of one. I guess they charged me for both too, I was wondering why it seemed pricier than normal.

Next week I think I’ll have my last Burger King combo. Burger King I’m really going to miss. I LOVE Whoppers. But I need to do this. My health is more important.

I’m kind of ticked off that we already have some snow. Yesterday we got a couple of centimetres. Nothing really much, but enough that it’s still on the ground today. I’m sure by the end of the weekend it will be gone. It’s still a month until Winter officially starts. I really hope this snow isn’t a sign of things to come!

Last Winter the first snowfall didn’t happen until January, and I loved that. I really hate Winter. Everything about it. The cold, the snow, the grey skies, all the colour is gone without the green grass and leaves on the trees. It’s really quite depressing, particularly with so little sunshine.

A town in Nova Scotia has made it illegal to smoke in your car, if there are children under the age of 18 in the vehicle. I think this is really awesome, and I’d like to see it happen everywhere. It is the first place in Canada to do it.

To me smoking in your car with a child under 18 is abuse. The child can’t say as an adult that they do not want to be subjected to it. They can say no to their parents, but their parents can still technically make them go in the car and be subjected to second hand smoke. This way it just can’t happen at all. At least in that specific town.

I think this is something we’ll see more of eventually. The smokers who disagree with it say that it is an infringement on their rights. What about the fact that if you have a child under 18 in your vehicle while you’re smoking? Is that not an infringement on their rights to not be subjected to your cigarette smoke?

I would like the same thing to happen in the home also. If you have children under 18, no smoking in your home. Way too many children develop lung problems like asthma because they are subjected to cigarette smoke. Congratulations to the town of Windsor, Nova Scotia for doing this.

Read more about it here.

This guy in India married his own daughter and then impregnated her. I don’t know if it was against her will or not, but that does not make this any less disgusting.

What the hell is wrong with people? He says it was god’s will… There you have it. Religion to the rescue again.

I am curious if the girl was forced or if she wanted this. I am also curious how old she is. According to authorities, she has never gone to school before, so I figure she can’t be that old.

What really sucks about this case, is that the police didn’t charge him with the correct crime, so the charges had to be dropped. They are going to be re-filing charges though, once they have made a more solid case.

More information about the story here.

I really like this song. It’s kind of that poppy trance that a lot of people really hate, but I have always had a thing for Paul van Dyk. I think he produces quality stuff that isn’t as cheesy as Paul Oakenfold. The video is alright, the song is the best part… but here’s the video.
The song seems to be about letting go of someone. Hence the rope in the video and the woman not letting go of it. The vocals by Rea are good. He has a really good voice. I thought it was Bono from U2 when I first heard it.

I got a new hard drive yesterday from Canada Computers. I decided to get a 160 GB Seagate drive, instead of the 320 GB Seagate drive, even though the 320 GB drive was only $20 more. I’m not exactly rolling in money right now, so I figured I’d save the money, and I don’t really need 320 GB right now anyway. Good thing I didn’t get one that big, or I’d be more ticked off than I already am right now.

So of course in order to get Windows XP installed on this drive, instead of the one it was already running on, I’d have to format the new disk first. I ended up installing Windows, and then accidentally doing a repair on top of it, which basically started the whole installation process all over again. This is after I did all of the Windows Updates. That’s over 100 updates, for your information. Grrrr. I was pissed off. But what really irked me is how my drive was saying it was only 127 GB in size, even though it’s a 160 GB drive. Now I know the amount shown is not the actual size of the drive, because part of it is being used by system files, so you don’t see the real amount. However, Windows does not need over 30 GB of space for system files, so I thought maybe I created a partition by accident while formatting the drive. That’s how I accidentally did the repair. So I cut short the repair, and did a full format of the drive again, and then reinstalled Windows again, did all the updates, and then looked for an answer online as to why my drive was missing over 30 GB of space. Turns out that Windows XP installation disks made before 2002 do not support drives over 130 something odd GB’s. Well isn’t that nice to know now, after buying a 160 GB drive. There doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it either. Oh well, at least I still have lots of space available, and my computer does seem to be working a bit faster now running Windows on this new drive, instead of that old crappy one from 2002. It did it’s time though.

Well I went to my psychiatrist appointment on Tuesday. I only slept a few hours the night before as I wasn’t tired because I stay up all night, and trying to go to bed at like 2 AM was not possible without inducing the sleep somehow. So I didn’t end up going to bed until around 5 AM. I think I actually fell asleep around 6 AM. Had to be awake at 10:30 AM in order to give myself enough time to shower and wake up and drive to the appointment.

I had to drive to Credit Valley Hospital for the appointment. I was kind of freaked out about this as going far from home gives me panic attacks now, and also I had to drive there myself, plus I had to drive over a big bridge, no matter which way I took to get there. So I took the option that had the shorter bridge, so I could just speed over it and get it done with as quick as possible. This was Eglinton Road. On my way there the panic started around the time I got to Mavis Road and Eglinton Road. It quickly started to deteriorate the closer I got to the bridge, and beyond. By the time I got to the hospital, I felt like throwing up.

So I go inside, and have a hard time finding the are where the office is. Turns out to be practically hidden, but very close to the main entrance. It’s in the mental health unit, which I’m assuming is where the crazy people are in the mental ward, as the doors locked. Great, now I feel like I’m crazy just being there. So I inform them that I am there for my appointment, and the receptionist tells me my appointment isn’t until 3 PM. I inform her it was originally for that time, but the lady I was on the phone with when I made the original appointment told me there was an 11:30 AM appointment available if I wanted to come in earlier, so I took it. Anyway, the receptionist ends up finding that indeed I am supposed to have the 11:30 AM appointment, and since the 11:30 AM appointment didn’t show up, I am able to see the doctor.

After a few minutes of waiting, the doctor comes out and introduces himself very quickly and shakes my hand, and then points to some guy who is now standing beside me, and asks if he can sit in the assessment with us. I said sure, but I really didn’t care to have some extra guy sitting in there, when I’m already nervous as hell, and want to throw up.
But whatever, I say ‘okay’, and we go in this hallway into some interior room with no windows, white plain walls, uncomfortable chairs, and ugly carpet. I’m gay, I notice these things. And I’m sorry, but I did not feel comfortable in this room. It was bleak and dark and depressing. No windows? In a place where you’re getting very personal, you want to feel comfortable, and I think the room should be naturally lit. So we go into a little bit of history. I mean very little, it was a very brief assessment. And then he starts writing on a yellow pad. I know exactly what that is for: a prescription pad! So he’s writing on it, and then he tells me that I’m most likely going to be on medication for the rest of my life. Great! That’s really what someone wants to hear when they are already feeling like crap, and just meeting this guy for the firs time. He only knows 20 minutes worth of “me”, and already he can say this confidently?
He then gives me the prescription, and tells me how to take the drug, and tells me he’ll see me in a month, and to make the appointment with the receptionist on the way out.

A month?!? I need to see someone more often than every month. I do not need to be thrown on pills, and then not get the real help I need in a month. I make the appointment anyway, and get on my way. Gradually as I get closer to home, the panic starts to go away, and I feel a bit better.

So, I have decided now, after thinking about the appointment a bit, that I will not be seeing this doctor again. I do not feel he is right for me at all, and his assessment was way too aggressive, and I felt like he didn’t really care about my mental health, he just wanted to give me some pills, and send me on his way. I do feel that I do need to be on medication, but that is besides the point. I need real therapy with a real person, not just pills. Maybe I really will need to be on medication for the rest of my life, but I did not feel comfortable with him making this prediction after only talking for around 30 minutes, if that.

So now, I have to wait for a few months before I can see this other psychiatrist that I found, that has a longer wait time. That really fucking sucks, but I don’t have any other choice unfortunately. I’m going to go to my doctor, and show her the prescription the psychiatrist gave me, and ask her if she’ll write the same one for me as per his advice, and then just wait to see this new psychiatrist.

It really sucks to be me right now. No support, no help. Fuck, life is really shitty.

Well Rob called me again a few more times. I answered by accident thinking it was someone else, and when I knew it was him I asked him why he was calling and hung up. He proceeded to call a few more times, and then called my house for good measure.

Then I received the following messages on my Live Messenger:

Why are you being a coward and not giving our relationship the benefit of the doubt? Aren’t you doing the same thing Johnny did to you?

Well to that I say, I have given our relationship lots of benefit of the doubt. I went back to him after a couple of years of not talking. I tried. It’s not working. As for doing the same thing as Johnny? Johnny cut me off without a word. That is not what I did to Rob. I explained to him exactly why I didn’t want to talk anymore. I didn’t get that benefit from Johnny.

DO’nt talk about me, on your blogs again; its slander. Im deleting you from my phone. Good luck Khris. your the selfish one and not me. I don’t have the anger towards you that you do me. Learn to accept your faults.

Slander? Hmm, let’s look at the definition of slander.

Definition:

1. saying of something false and damaging: the act or offense of saying something false or malicious that damages somebody’s reputation

2. false and damaging statement: a false and malicious statement that damages somebody’s reputation
Source

I would like to know exactly how I’m damaging his reputation exactly. Also, I didn’t say anything false. And another thing… this is my blog, and I’m free to say what I want. That’s called freedom of speech. I guess the truth hurts?

I thought to myself, “should I bother to write this blog entry?” But what the fuck, why not? This is like my journal, and this is what’s happening to me right now. But this subject is getting tiring now, so moving along.