khristopher.com

Finally after talking for over a year I finally got to meet Philip. We’ve tried a few times unsuccessfully, due to my anxiety issues.

I met him at Square One, where I needed to exchange a couple of things from Khristmas, and he bought a few things as well. I was not feeling well when I woke up, but it went away. I was a bit worried about my anxiety issues at the mall meeting a new person, and the fact that the mall was insanely busy, but I was okay for the most part.

I had to exchange my jeans my mom got me for Khristmas as they were one size too big. I asked the guy in Urban Behavior if they had anymore of the same style, and he said they were all sold out. I told him that I don’t shop at that store, and he said he could give me a store credit or exchange. He just happened to go look at the spot where the jeans were, and low and behold there was a size 30, which just happened to be the size I needed. Good thing he looked, and good thing I had luck on my side yesterday. I also found this really nice shirt there, despite the fact that I don’t shop there. It was $30 but on sale 50% off. It’s 50% polyester and 50% wool, so I need to wear a wifebeater or t-shirt under it, but it looks good on me.

From the mall we headed to Blockbuster to rent a movie that I told him he needs to see. We rented Haute Tension (High Tension in English), I just love that movie. We ordered Chinese from Ho Lee Chow, which was okay, but not that great. I tried Orange Beef for the first time. It felt like I was eating some sort of cleaning product, so needless to say I’m not a fan. The Lemon Chicken was awesome, and so was the Chicken Fried Rice. The Sweet & Sour Sauce that came with the Fried Won Tons was gross. Too much vinegar. The food is definitely overpriced for the quality, so I really don’t plan on going back there for food again. Before dinner Philip gave me and Snoopy some Khristmas presents, which I thought was so nice. Snoopy got a little plush mouse, which he absolutely loves and runs all over the house with. He also got some all natural Chicken treats, which he didn’t like when I gave him one, but he seems to love them now. Such a fussy cat sometimes, just like his owner! Philip got me a couple of the Mr. Men t-shirts that I love, some more incense which is my new fascination, and some more chocolate and candy. Philip and I have that in common, we both have a sweet tooth.

After the movie we played some Mario Party on Gamecube. He brought the game with him. I absolutely love it, and I need to get it. The problem is that I need people to play it with and not many people really come over to my place to hang out. So I don’t know if I should bother getting it. He brought some other games to play too, but we didn’t get a chance to play them as his ride was here to pick him up to bring him back to Kitchener.

It’s so nice to be able to go to the mall and feel semi-social again. I’ve been stuck in my house for so long, dealing with panic attacks and anxiety, watching everyone else have a life. It really made my weekend, and I’m continuing to push myself in small steps. Feels good! Thank you Philip for making my weekend, you’re a great friend, and I’m glad to have met you finally.

The Mr. Happy t-shirt Philip got me:

The Mr. Wrong t-shirt Philip got me:

And as a joke the Little Miss Boss shirt Philip got me:

The Nag Champa and Super Hit Incense that Philip got me:

The candy and chocolate Philip got me:

And the shirt I got 50% off at Urban Behavior:

This was a pretty good Khristmas. Better than I expected it to be, but still not what I would like it to be. I got a few cool gifts, not as many as usual this year compared to previous years. What’s really missing is having someone special to spend Khristmas with. This is my first Khristmas without Johnny as a part of it in 5 years. It’s strange to say the least. I kind of would have liked to at least heard from him to know how he’s doing, or that he cares how I am doing. I guess he doesn’t though, even though he said he does. Maybe next year I’ll be spending my Khristmas with someone new and special. I hope so! It sucks being alone at this time of year.

My anxiety problems are doing a bit better. The pills are starting to work. The nausea sucked, but they are finally starting to work. I don’t feel as doom and gloom as I did 2 weeks ago, and I managed to go to the mall and not have a massive panic attack. Was kind of nice to feel semi-normal again! I just have to keep pushing myself more and more and things should continue to get better. I still don’t know if I’ll stay on this medication or not, we’ll see. I may go back to one of the old ones I used that worked well. I’m going to wait a bit longer and go to my doctor and talk to her about it.

Someone that I dated in the summer briefly has returned back into the picture. We get along really well, and we have a lot of things in common. We don’t have too much in common that we bore each other, though, which is good. He disappeared for various reasons in early August I believe it was. He did it rather abruptly and said some pretty harsh things to me that really hurt when I was already hurting as it was. He knew what I was going through, but still decided to react the way he did. I tried really hard to continue to talk to him, even just so we could be friends, but he wouldn’t have it. Anyway, I sent him a message wishing him a happy birthday, and he replied to it saying thank you. I wasn’t expecting a reply at all, and if any, not a thank you. So I was a bit shocked, but happy that I wasn’t getting a nasty reply instead. So then a few days later, I got another email from him. This time it was an apology for the way he treated me. He said some really sweet things to me, and now we’re talking again. He asked me to give him another chance, and I’m willing to give him one, but I made him fully aware that I can not be hurt again. And it’s true, I can’t. I have gone through way too much in the past year, my heart can’t take anymore emotional pain. The nice thing is that Johnny has been off my mind pretty much since we’ve started talking again, and that’s been really nice.

So, I’m going to take things very slow with this, and see what happens. I told him we have to remain friends if things don’t work out between us. That he can’t do what he did in the Summer again. He agreed to that. So, basically he has to re-gain trust in me again. Trust that wasn’t even really there yet in the first place, as we were only getting to know each other. He’s an amazing guy though, and I see a lot of potential. He’s also very intelligent, and possibly one of the smartest people I’ve ever met in my life. Maybe 2007 is going to end on a good note after all. I hope I get to see him soon, but he’s got a lot on his plate right now, and I have learned to be more patient, so I can wait. He’s worth it.

Here’s what I got for Khristmas:

Jeans.

Sweater.

Bracelet which I’m exchanging. Most likely for a ring. My mom wanted to get me something special, but this will just annoy me and pull the hairs on my arm. I wouldn’t wear it, and it’s not really my style anyway. So I’m going to look at these rings she was telling me about.

And of course the stocking. I know it’s bigger than most people’s haha. I’m spoiled! In it was Toffifee, which is one of my favourite cheap chocolates. Lindt dark chocolates, Gillette Fusion shaving gel, toothpaste, Terry’s Chocolate Orange, some pistachios, Ovation chocolates, and some scratch tickets.

I also got some money from my mom, my dad, and one of my sisters. And from my parents I also got a DVD-RW drive. Yay! No more using my dad’s computer to burn DVD’s.

Well we had our first real snowstorm of the season. It’s technically not Winter yet, but this wasn’t our first snow. We have had a few centimetres on the ground now for a couple weeks. It seemed to go from mild Fall weather, straight into a deep freeze a few weeks ago, and I hate it.

It’s supposed to rain later this week. Go figure, right before Khristmas, the only time when I really care to have snow.

I had to walk to the grocery store, this is when the storm was just ending. 25 centimetres later. Had to walk on the road, because the sidewalks no longer exist.

I guess I wasn’t the only one crazy enough to go outside today! Was quite a workout walking in this. I was exhausted by the time I got home. I’m so out of shape!

Where are the roads?