Well back in my Khristmas 2007 post, I mentioned that I started talking to someone that had come back into my life again. I was going to post about this earlier, but I just wanted to think about everything that happened with him, before I put it into words here on my blog. Anyway, his name is Iain, and he managed to upset me again.

Despite the fact that he said he wouldn’t hurt me again. Despite the fact that he said no matter what; even if things don’t work out between us in terms of a relationship, we would remain friends. Despite the fact that he knows I have issues and am trying to take small steps to get better. He knows this as he reads my blog, and I think I’ve explained really well in my blog what I’ve been going through lately.

Anyway, he shut me out again, without having a proper conversation about what was going on. He made plans for New Year’s Eve, and didn’t even ask me to be a part of them. I figure if you like someone, wanting to spend that night together to ring in the new year makes sense. He got all crabby on me because I told him that I wanted to see him that night. I admit it was last minute as I didn’t mention anything to him about it until New Year’s Eve. But the real clincher is that he cancelled those plans and made new ones within a couple hours of me asking him about what his plans were. So even after he found out I wanted to be a part of his new year’s celebrations, he still chose not to include me in them. I didn’t bother to have an argument about it or anything, what’s the point? He didn’t even call me either. It was pretty disappointing. Anyway, we didn’t talk about it until a couple days later, when I told him I wanted to talk to him on the phone about how I felt about it all. He wouldn’t even give me 5 minutes to talk as he doesn’t like talking on the phone. I told him he didn’t have to talk to me, just had to listen to what I had to say. I didn’t want things to get misconstrued or taken the wrong way talking over Live Messenger, as I’ve been down that road before with him, and I wanted to avoid it.

He proceeded to inform me that because I’m capable of going to the mall, that I’m capable of working. I didn’t realize he is a trained psychiatrist who can make such a diagnosis. I am definitely not capable of working, and my doctor and disability that is paying me also think the same. I will eventually be able to when I’m back on my feet, but right now, working is out of the question. I’d just end up fired like I was from Bell Mobility. And I don’t want to go down that road until I feel ready to work again. Anyway, that’s besides the fact, it’s just rude and uncalled for. I don’t know why he gets so angry with me. I think it’s his own faults that cause him stress and he takes that out on others. He also said I’m the most passive-aggressive person he’s ever met. Passive-aggressive people will write notes to people or write emails, etc. to avoid face to face confrontation. That sounds a lot like him actually. I much prefer to talk things out in person or on the phone. I am not the type to avoid things at all. I am an Aries, which is the ram. And I’m very much like a typical Aries. I deal with things head on, full steam ahead. I told him that he has no idea what he’s going through, and that he really doesn’t have the right to tell me how I am feeling, or when I’m ready to work, or if I’m sick or not, and he told me that he’s been there and got over it. Well good for him, but I am not him. I have been trying to get help, and get over it for a long time now. I think that he thinks my problems are all because of Johnny, which is definitely not the case. I had this illness before that relationship ended. It started not long after I met Johnny actually. Since 2002 I have had panic disorder, and it’s never going to go away, I just have to learn how to deal with it and manage it. But according to Iain, I should be over it already and working and more normal.

Anyway, the point is that he treated me like garbage. I know he has issues, and I know that I have issues. Everyone does. If he would have just listened and been a little more human and a little bit less robot, then things would have been great between us. I actually liked him more than I realized, and that’s what sucks most, because I thought he felt pretty strongly about me too. Of course, I’ve been down that road before…

The question I keep asking myself, is “would I give him another chance if he came back again?” I really don’t know. He’d really have to make it up to me in a big way. He already did have to make up to me, but yet I felt like I was the one who was trying to make things up to him. He seemed to forget that I was the one giving him a chance, not the other way around.

I just wish he wouldn’t have gotten rid of me again, and at least continued talking to me as a friend. I’ll miss you Iain.

*wak wak*