This was a pretty good Khristmas. Better than I expected it to be, but still not what I would like it to be. I got a few cool gifts, not as many as usual this year compared to previous years. What’s really missing is having someone special to spend Khristmas with. This is my first Khristmas without Johnny as a part of it in 5 years. It’s strange to say the least. I kind of would have liked to at least heard from him to know how he’s doing, or that he cares how I am doing. I guess he doesn’t though, even though he said he does. Maybe next year I’ll be spending my Khristmas with someone new and special. I hope so! It sucks being alone at this time of year.

My anxiety problems are doing a bit better. The pills are starting to work. The nausea sucked, but they are finally starting to work. I don’t feel as doom and gloom as I did 2 weeks ago, and I managed to go to the mall and not have a massive panic attack. Was kind of nice to feel semi-normal again! I just have to keep pushing myself more and more and things should continue to get better. I still don’t know if I’ll stay on this medication or not, we’ll see. I may go back to one of the old ones I used that worked well. I’m going to wait a bit longer and go to my doctor and talk to her about it.

Someone that I dated in the summer briefly has returned back into the picture. We get along really well, and we have a lot of things in common. We don’t have too much in common that we bore each other, though, which is good. He disappeared for various reasons in early August I believe it was. He did it rather abruptly and said some pretty harsh things to me that really hurt when I was already hurting as it was. He knew what I was going through, but still decided to react the way he did. I tried really hard to continue to talk to him, even just so we could be friends, but he wouldn’t have it. Anyway, I sent him a message wishing him a happy birthday, and he replied to it saying thank you. I wasn’t expecting a reply at all, and if any, not a thank you. So I was a bit shocked, but happy that I wasn’t getting a nasty reply instead. So then a few days later, I got another email from him. This time it was an apology for the way he treated me. He said some really sweet things to me, and now we’re talking again. He asked me to give him another chance, and I’m willing to give him one, but I made him fully aware that I can not be hurt again. And it’s true, I can’t. I have gone through way too much in the past year, my heart can’t take anymore emotional pain. The nice thing is that Johnny has been off my mind pretty much since we’ve started talking again, and that’s been really nice.

So, I’m going to take things very slow with this, and see what happens. I told him we have to remain friends if things don’t work out between us. That he can’t do what he did in the Summer again. He agreed to that. So, basically he has to re-gain trust in me again. Trust that wasn’t even really there yet in the first place, as we were only getting to know each other. He’s an amazing guy though, and I see a lot of potential. He’s also very intelligent, and possibly one of the smartest people I’ve ever met in my life. Maybe 2007 is going to end on a good note after all. I hope I get to see him soon, but he’s got a lot on his plate right now, and I have learned to be more patient, so I can wait. He’s worth it.

Here’s what I got for Khristmas:

Jeans.

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Sweater.

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Bracelet which I’m exchanging. Most likely for a ring. My mom wanted to get me something special, but this will just annoy me and pull the hairs on my arm. I wouldn’t wear it, and it’s not really my style anyway. So I’m going to look at these rings she was telling me about.

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And of course the stocking. I know it’s bigger than most people’s haha. I’m spoiled! In it was Toffifee, which is one of my favourite cheap chocolates. Lindt dark chocolates, Gillette Fusion shaving gel, toothpaste, Terry’s Chocolate Orange, some pistachios, Ovation chocolates, and some scratch tickets.

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I also got some money from my mom, my dad, and one of my sisters. And from my parents I also got a DVD-RW drive. Yay! No more using my dad’s computer to burn DVD’s.