khristopher.com

Sunday June 1st, I got into an argument with my dad at the dinner table. It was due to the fact that he hadn’t showered in over a week, and was smelling really badly. I understand he has a hard time standing up in the shower, but if he can’t take a shower on his own, he should really be getting help with that. I am not going to carry my father into the shower, and my mom isn’t about to either. I don’t know why they don’t look into getting one of those bars installed in the shower, so that he could at least use that to support himself better in the shower. Although, I’m not sure if the building would allow it. Anyway, during this argument I decide it was time to talk to my sisters about the bullshit that goes on in this house, and that I’m not responsible for it, and that not everything that goes wrong with my dad’s health is my fault.

So immediately after dinner I headed straight to my room and picked up the phone and called my sister Kim. I just went straight to it, telling her my purpose for the call, and that I don’t know why she’s not talking to me, when I didn’t do anything wrong. She immediately started to raise her voice, and get mad at me for not helping my dad up and leaving him on the floor when he fell this past January. First of all, if I hadn’t woken my mom up to tell her that he fell, he probably would have been there all night. I did not help get him up though, because I just don’t want to deal with it. It freaks me out to see that shit, and I also have my own troubles. I just don’t want to be that person taking care of their parents when they fall. He only got himself to that point, and he knew he was getting worse for a few weeks.

Anyway, when I told her that I’m going through my own shit, she said that I was psycho, and that I have issues. That I have gay issues. That I’m a faggot. That’s right. My own sister called me a faggot. Well Kim, your faggot brother is not your brother anymore.

It’s really a shame it has come down to this. I was calling her, and she is the one that wasn’t talking to me. I was calling her to stop the childish bullshit once and for all. I was calling her to patch things up and get past all this and come to some sort of understanding. She wouldn’t have any part of it though, and decided to just yell like a little brat and not even let me talk or get one single word on. Then she threatened me if I hung up on her. Not sure what she was threatening exactly though. She seems to think she knows everything that goes on in my house, and then blames me for everything that goes wrong. She even brought up how I didn’t drive her and my other sister Kathy to the airport when they were here last. I told her I can’t drive on highways, that it gives me panic attacks. She doesn’t care though. She hasn’t cared about me for a long time and it really shows. It’s okay, she doesn’t exist anymore.

Nine Inch Nails is coming and again… I am going to another concert by myself it seems. I was supposed to go with my friend Melissa, but she didn’t get back to me on time about tickets, so I just figured she wanted a floor ticket like me. I couldn’t afford two tickets, so I just ordered one. Then she sent me a text message informing me she got two tickets… in the seats! Great! So I have this floor ticket now and she has two seats. Either I can find someone who wants to go and use my floor ticket, or she can try and get a floor ticket at the general public ticket sale on Friday, because the presale was sold out after 4 minutes apparently. Hard to believe in a way considering how much tickets cost. Came to $82.00! Unbelievable, this concert better make me a really happy person after it’s all over. I swear if they don’t play Heresy or Mr. Self Destruct I will not be happy!

The thing with this presale is that you can’t sell your tickets. The person who puts their name down when ordering the tickets has to be there to enter the venue. That person must bring photo identification, the credit card used to purchase the tickets, and the receipt. So I’m kind of stuck with a decision to make; or at least I was, until I found out more bad news. Melissa also informed me that she arrives back from Montreal that night, and won’t even be able to go to the concert at all! So I really don’t seem to have a choice now, unless she can get her flight changed to an earlier one. I have to go by myself. I saw them by myself last time I was at their show as well, and Radiohead too. It’s pretty depressing and I felt like a big loser going alone. At least this time I’ll be in general admission, so I hopefully won’t look like I’m by myself. Ugh! Anyone want to go with me and try to get a general admission floor ticket on the public on sale on Friday? Please?

So Thursday night I noticed my torrents were downloading absurdly slow. I’m talking slower than dial-up speeds circa 1995. After some fooling around and checking that it wasn’t something I did or the tracker I was getting the torrents from, I called Bell Sympatico.

The "technician" did a check to make sure it wasn’t my connection. I put technician in quotations, because really they know nothing more than the average internet user in most cases. It turns out it is because I’m using torrents, as I’m able to download regular files just fine from web pages. And web pages are loading just fine as well.

I then expressed my dissatisfaction at this, and that I was not sent a letter in the mail, or an e-mail, or any kind of notification that this would be happening to me. Apparently according to Mirko Bibic in an interview with Roberto Rocha of the Montreal Gazette, it’s 5% of users who are sucking up 50% of Bell’s available bandwidth. Apparently I’m one of those 5%, because the technician I was speaking with on the phone told me that I’m making the speeds for those in my neighbourhood slower because I’m using up all the available bandwidth. BULLSHIT! I don’t max out my connection! I don’t allow it because then my browsing speeds will suffer. I limit my connection to 200 kB/s download which is half of my available download bandwidth, and I limit my upload speed to 40 kB/s which again is half my upload bandwidth speed.

So now I’m getting dial up speeds, but paying for unlimited high speed internet, and the worst part is there is no alternative! Rogers is doing the same crap, but also have monthly caps set, and if you go over those caps, you pay more for your bandwidth. The third party resellers who use Bell’s lines, are also being throttled. I remember Bell would always mention why their Sympatico service was better than cable internet because you wouldn’t experience any slowdowns when traffic was high on the network. That you wouldn’t be affected by those in your neighbourhood when they were sucking up speed. Whatever happened to that?

I got a number to call the corporate office which I will be doing on Monday. I’ve also signed a petition, which I recommend you sign as well. It’s almost at 10,000 signatures right now. The CRTC has received a complaint and hopefully they will step in and do something, but I don’t know if I have a lot of confidence in the CRTC.

I also think this has more to do with other things that we are not being told. I have a feeling that Canadian ISP’s are facing pressure from movie and music companies, and by limiting speeds to the people who are downloading movies and TV shows and music through Bit Torrent technology, they will not bother anymore. So basically that leaves ISP’s controlling what we download and when and how. Since when do the Canadian ISP’s own the internet?

Click here to sign the petition.

Well after the previous entry regarding the nasty comments on my blog, Iain felt the need to leave some more, just to add fuel to the fire.

He says the comments I pointed out in that entry were not left by him. I don’t believe him, but whatever. He also said that I’m not disabled, that I’m just lazy. I’m not, and never have said I am disabled. I have a disability which is preventing me from working right now. My doctor and the people who are financially supporting me right now also feel the same. Professionals believe I am not able to work right now, but Iain knows all apparently, even though we hung out only a handful of times and refused to talk to me on the phone. According to him:

If you’d actually make an attempt to get off your ass and get a job, you might have some potential at becoming a half-decent human being.

Oh, do half decent human beings say things like this:

Too bad it didn’t happen a few floors lower.

That was his comment on my entry about the fire in my building. I didn’t publish his comment obviously, but apparently half-decent human beings say things like that to other people. It’s quite obvious he meant that it’s too bad it didn’t happen in my house. That’s not just wrong on many levels to say to someone, but also downright creepy.

Recently I’ve received a couple of nasty comments on my blog. I know who they are coming from, despite the fact that one of them tried to hide who they are by using a fake email address. I’m really not so sure why people bother to leave nasty comments on a blog… why are they reading in the first place? Or maybe it’s just that they are using it as a way to contact you and let you  know how they feel, without directly emailing you, or calling you, or whatever other method of communication would not prevent them from revealing their true identity.

People love to hide behind their computers and say all these nasty things that they would never say to a person’s face. I’m the complete opposite, I’d much rather tell someone exactly how I feel directly, and have no fear of doing so. Telling someone how you really feel is always better than lying, and who knows… maybe you’ll be able to come to some sort of agreement with that person when they know how you really feel, or settle things that are causing the anger or upset.

Here is an example of a comment I received. They are quoting me in one of my blog entries, followed by their feelings.

You are a miserable excuse for a human being.

"I will not be a nurse for my parents"
But I am a 30 year old man who lives at home on their dime and doesn’t work.

"No one deserves what I’ve had in my life"
Maybe not, but a hell of a lot of people have had a hell of a lot worse than two parents who let you live at home and coddle your every mental problem.

Pathetic.

Actually I don’t live on their dime, I do pay rent, not that it’s anyone’s concern… although apparently she thinks it is her concern. Her name is Tara, and she goes by the nickname soju, and she even chose to use her real email address and used soju as her name in the comment field. She’s a complete bitch from everything I’ve heard, but who really cares, I don’t know her. She’s probably some worn out,did-too-much-meth, raver has been.

Then there is this one.

Unemployed and a loose hole, wow you ARE a prize pig aren’t you?

Unemployed? No, I’m on disability. Quite a difference. Loose hole? Hmm interesting for someone who can count how long it’s been since he had sex in years not days or weeks or months. But again, that’s not really anyone’s concern here. I know who left this one too, his name is Iain, and we dated briefly. Apparently he doesn’t know how relationships work as he’s never had one, but he thinks he’s a pro or something…
How do I know it’s Iain? Well he used the name rawzone, as his name when leaving the comment, and a fake email address using the same name. Rawzone is a WWE thing, and Iain’s favourite wrestler/obsession is part of this group of wrestlers who make up the rawzone or something like that anyway. Plus there’s some other little tidbits that helped me figure out who the comment was left by.

Anyway, what people don’t realize is that you can’t really hide on the internet. It’s very easy to figure out little details and then piece them together. All I have to say is that if you don’t like me, and don’t like what I have to say, either leave a comment with your real contact information and with your real name, or contact me on my About Me page, and we can have a good ole discussion about how you feel about me and my blog. Otherwise get the fuck out.